I gained weight & I'm actually saying.. Thank you?

As I have shared in my previous posts, I have recently reached lifetime status again after a long struggle of yo-yoing with my weight. What I have come to realize and I think most people that have gone up and down, back and forth with their weight totally get what I am about to say.. keeping the weight off is HARD! I have managed to pretty much stayed the same since hitting lifetime - but I did go weigh in about 2 weeks ago and was shocked to see I put on a few pounds (3 to be exact). Yes, I know you are probably rolling your eyes thinking... 3 pounds seriously? But, it is scary- especially for someone who is about a month away from her wedding and even scarier to someone who has spent 90% of her life obsessing about food and weight. But even though it is "scary"... I am thankful for those 3 pounds.

I think it's nice to get the reminder that it can come back on and you have to learn how to adjust and snap back into the zone. Weight is not going to be something that you "lose" and never find again - trust me, you'll find it, FAST. It's scary how fast. It's easy to "get skinny" and then think, okay now I can eat like all my skinny friends. Trust me, if that was the truth - I would have never of been *fat*. I think small gains teach me that I cannot obsess over every single pound that I put on and gain. Yes, 10/20+ pounds is a big deal but the body fluctuates and it's not healthy to obsess and beat myself up over 1/2/3 pounds put on. I'm trying to teach myself that IF I am going to maintain, I need to learn how to LIVE the rest of my life like this. 

I think most of you can probably agree that we spend too much time counting calories and comparing ourselves to other girls (or guys, for you men). We constantly think, if I could just be one pants size smaller, I would be happier. But the truth is, happy comes from within, our own confidence and 3 pounds is not going to strip you of that happiness. I have felt trapped in my body, even when I was a size 2 in high school. Feeling like I couldn't eat anything in fear that I would wake up 86 pounds heavier the next day. I remember feeling more miserable about myself then, than I was 86 pounds before that. I remember thinking, if I could just fit into Abercrombie & Fitch (this was high school..) like all my friends, I'll be happy. If I can be a size 2 and wear an XS shirt like my friends, then i'll be happy. But, like I said... I was miserable. I felt trapped and finally I hit my breaking point, gave up and gained about all of the weight back. 

 The 3 pounds has given me a wake up call - not just to say okay - it's time to start tracking my points again and to maybe not eat that cookie and ice cream and pizza and hamburger, but a wake up call to realize that "normal people" fluctuate. This has taught me, it's normal to gain and I have to learn that it's going to happen and I have to learn how to deal. I am starting to realize that if I don't beat myself up over a few pounds, but instead use it as a way to get back into the zone, then I am actually going to have a healthy relationship with food and a healthy self image. 

I love food way to much to give up the good stuff for a life simply to never gain a single pound. And I love myself too much to let myself be trapped in my miserable skinny, starving body again. Sometimes you're going to gain - but what's important is going to be facing the music early and stepping on the scale even when you know it won't be good. Life is something to be enjoyed - spend it making smart decisions - but let yourself indulge and enjoy when you need to! 

I am going to head to Weight Watchers this week, to face the music. Hopefully, I'll learn that I have lost some of the 3 pounds that I put on. However, if for some reason I haven't... then i'll just have to try again the next week. I am slowly fixing the way I think and I will continue to share my journey as I go along. I have gotten to the point where I am tired of beating myself up because I don't look like the girl in the magazine does in a bikini or I don't have *skinny legs* I am going to learn to love who I am and focus on being healthy and happy.

Me and some of my closest friends at a wedding shower for me last weekend! 

---

ALSO: While reading around this week, I found this INCREDIBLE blog post from Brooke who has recently lost 170+ pounds. Read her incredible story and how inspiring her happiness with herself truly is: http://brookenotonadiet.com/2014/05/02/refuse-put-shirt/