Shhh.. It's okay to cheat a little

Yes, I am fully endorsing having an affair. But, this type of infidelity is actually in reference to committing an adulteress act on your DIET.  As I mentioned in my previous post the main reason I think that I struggled to maintained my weight loss success was because I didn't allow myself, EVER... to cheat!

I was asked by my AMAZING Weight Watchers Leader, Barbara (who lost and has kept off close to 150 lbs - wow!) to share my 'Success Story' at a Weight Watchers meeting tonight. So, I shared my story - very similar to all that I said in my previous post and I largely harped on how key it is to ENJOY!

I let myself indulge in things I'd never let myself indulge in when I was losing weight on Weight Watchers, the first time - but you know what I am enjoying myself and I am now starting to see this whole experience as manageable and as a lifestyle change, not just a "diet". I think when you deprive yourself you feel cheated, you feel trapped, locked in and miserable.

Now, I'm not sitting here saying that I cheat on Weight Watchers every day - but I do let myself enjoy Ice Cream, Chipotle (i had that tonight), Chinese food, Candy - you get where I am going with this. It's all about balance and it's all about porition control.

While sharing my story tonight, Barbara turned the floor over to the members in the Weight Watchers meeting and asked if anyone had any questions. One women raised her hand and asked what my "cheat items" are... That got me thinking - what are my secrets? What are my little indulgences that I enjoy on Weight Watchers, while still losing my weight. I've put together a short list of some cheat items that actually aren't "so bad" and I would LOVE to hear some of yours - as I am always looking to expand my cheating bucket list!

Cookies 'n Cream Flavor = My FAVE.

1. Skinny Cow Ice Cream- Everyone knows my OBSESSION with Skinny Cow and even more Ice Cream (I am eating one right now while write this). As someone who is Lactose Intolerant - I SAVE up my dairy allowance and I pre-track my 4 points plus skinny cow into my day, every day so I have that delicious ice cream treat to look forward to, everyday. The other great thing about it is that in terms of dessert - this one is pretty diet-friendly and it's delicious to boot! I challenge you to find your "something sweet" - your dessert that you can indulge in and enjoy - finding this (as long as its realistic) will help you to manage your weight better. Don't deprive yourself of sweets - DO NOT DO IT


2. Sweet Potato Fries - Ummmm.. Hello, I love food and all proud food lovers usually love fries! I especially love Sweet Potato Fries. I found Alexia Sweet Potato fries (you can usually find them in the organic frozen section) or if you aren't into the Organic craze go to the regular frozen section and get the Ore-Ida Sweet Potato Fries Straight fries. You can have ~25 of these fries for 4 weight watchers points plus (that's what WW points are called now.. Points Plus, FAAANCY). At only 4 PPV it is so worth getting my fry intake in with these yummy fries.

3. Pop Chips- Now this list is getting ridiculous... Ice Cream, French Fries and now ..  Chips? Yes. But Pop Chips are so worth it. They are amazingly tasty and you can have around 22 chips for only 3 PPV. Done. I'm in. Now, if you are like me - a mindless eater I would suggest counting out your chips and putting them into zip lock bags and walking AWAYYY from the kitchen or you can buy the pre-portioned bags. I understand that sometimes it's cheaper to buy the big bags - but for me a little extra cash is worth me not stuffing an entire bag of chips down my face in one sitting, just sayin'

4. PB2- Thank you to my WW Leader Barbara for this AMAZING suggestion. PB2 is probably one of my favorite finds and is an awesome way to enjoy PEANUT BUTTER! PB2 is powdered Peanut Butter (you mix it with water) - I know is sounds disgusting but I promise you it actually is not. And at only 1 PPV for ~2 Tablespoons of Peanut Butter it is well worth it (normal Peanut Butter is like 4-7 sometimes 8 ppv!). My favorite of the PB2 is actually the Chocolate flavor - I put it on toast or dip apples in it - AMAZING. You can also find this in the organic section or I get mine off of Amazon!

5. Bolthouse Ranch: Well, I do live in the South. They serve ranch here like it is going out of style. But if you didn't already know Ranch is no where close to healthy eating. Bolthouse Ranch is yogurt based and AMAZING! You get this in the refrigerated section - by the bags of lettuce. It's I believe 1 PPV for 2 tablespoons (double check that for me before tracking it as that!) and it actually tastes so good (unlike most fat free or light ranch dressings)

6. Turkey Sausage Crumbles: These are a newer discovery and I have become obsessed, VERY fast! I eat them seriously at breakfast, lunch and/or dinner. I promise I don't eat them every day but I sure could. They are quick - you can mix it with anything - egg whites, pasta sauce, you get where I'm going here and for a 1/2 cup of crumbles it's only 2 ppv!

I understand that all of these were lower point cheats - but trust me I let myself enjoy Chicken Fried Rice - usually once or every other week - I just am certain to measure out a cup (7PPV) (and I usually smoosh and fit a much rice in that one cup as I can), I will enjoy a Burger and fries from Farm Burger with my girlfriends usually once a week and I still manage to lose weight for the most part, weekly. I've discovered that weight loss and maintaining a healthy weight is manageable and do-able. It's all about picking what and where you will "cheat" and "splurge" and deciding is this worth it? Let yourself live a little - let yourself enjoy and you will feel happy and satisfied.

If you have any "healthy cheats" or non-healthy cheats share them with me! I am open for new cheats and I can probably help you find a substitution for a cheat-item that isn't as Weight Watcher friendly.

Good Luck and remember.. It's okay to cheat a little.

Minus the Skinny Gene

As I shared in my previous blog post - I have finally committed and lost a substantial amount of weight - the weight that I gained in college (why, why, why, did I do that to myself?). At 25-years-young I am unfortunately not able to say that this is the first time I have had to fight the battle of my weight.

Middle School Years

Let's take a trip back in time - let's visit elementary school aged, Mackenzie. I was always the chunky kid - it didn't really seem to bug me, I had great friends and tons of cute clothes from the Limited Too, so that's all I really needed. However, it did start to bug me as I started noticing little differences between me and my friends. My friends were all smaller than me, I couldn't really borrow their clothes, many of the clothes at  Limited Too weren't fitting me like they used to - and I could NEVER seem to make it through the DREADED mile in gym class, without plotting a plan in my head as to how I'd fake an injury to end it early. But, I was a kid and thankfully, I was not as consumed as much into what everyone else thought. But then it was time for Middle School and let's face it - Middle School is rough. We're all awkward, we're all emotional, confused and trying to figure out what is and isn't cool - but add in being overweight & having bad bangs on top of it (thanks Mom) and it's even rougher. It always seemed to bug other people that I was overweight and to this day I've NEVER seemed to understand that. Hearing other people say things about me or hearing my parents encourage me to maybe not eat this or that, started to slowly sink into my mind. From that, I did try to cut things out and eat a bit healthier - but, I was a middle schooler and thankfully, that was just something I didn't find to be a priority at that moment.

If you couldn't figure it out - I'm the one in pink (High School)

Fast forward to High School.. High School is when the reality of my weight really started to register with me. No longer was it "baby weight" I went from "baby weight" to super over weight - in what seemed like a matter of moments. My parents suggested that I start trying to get a hold of my weight and I could tell everyone at school thought so too.  So, I started trying different diets, Slim Fast - I mean hello, Slim and Fast sounded like a good option to me. I'd try it for a few days, but then quit - Do you blame me? Those shakes are disgusting & I like food, that's not food. I tried Weight Watchers because my parents wanted me to, lost a few pounds then fell off the wagon and countless other fad diet attempts. I just didn't have the passion or the drive at the time. My parents also pushed me to start working out, that was also something that I dreaded. Why the in the world would I purposely want to go run around in a circle - the only way you could get me to run was if something was chasing me. Reluctantly though, I'd go for a walk, walking as slow as I could, taking as many short cuts as I could, because I didn't want to and just didn't care. It wasn't that I was necessarily "happy" with myself and my appearance - it's just that I didn't care yet to change it and my wonderful friends loved me regardless. 

Finally, in the 10th grade - I remember sitting on the couch (of course) and having an epiphany that I was ready to be healthy. I was ready to go to the Abercrombie and buy whatever I wanted. I was ready to be able to run a mile and not have to stop every minute to "tie my shoe." So, I walked up to my mom and told her I was ready to re-join Weight Watchers. This time was different, I was in control - it was my decision, it wasn't someone else's choice. The weight started to come off I even started to work out, voluntarily - and not because someone was chasing me or dangling a cookie in front of me (HA). I was shocked to keep seeing the numbers drop on the scale every week and slowly but surely, I was getting into the "normal" sizes that a 15-year-old girl "should be." I was lucky, my mom cooked me healthy meals and helped me by measuring my daily points and serving sizes - we belonged to a gym and I was able to go work on on the elliptical daily - and within 9 months I had gone from a whopping 216 pounds (Size 18) to around 130 pounds (Size 2). In 9 months, I had dropped 86 pounds - something I can not even fathom now. High School got a lot easier then, I looked a lot more like my friends, I was even asked by people  I went to school with for my entire life - if I was new. Incredible, right?

Post Weight Loss, High School

But,  if I'm being honest. I was never truly satisfied with myself. My weight became an obsession - I couldn't stop losing weight. I dropped well below 130 lbs at one point and I'm 5'7. I constantly starred at myself in the mirror pulling on spots on my body and thinking if I could just get rid of this or that, I'd finally be happy with myself. But, the truth is - no matter how small I got, I wasn't ever going to be happy with myself. Sure, I was able to wear the clothes I always wanted to fit into, boys finally started to notice me but I could never shake the obsession I had with the scale. I was constantly obsessing about the food I ate - I'd never let myself splurge or cheat in fear that I'd wake up the next day a size 18 again. At a size 2 it seemed that, on the inside, I was exactly the same girl I was as a size 18. I remember hating who I was - my sister and I used to constantly get into arguments because she'd be in mid-sentence and I'd stop and ask her - "Does this make me look fat?" She once mentioned counting over 25 times that I had asked her, in just a few hours. My weight, being "skinny" -  became so consuming. Toward the end of my Senior year, I was exhausted by it all - and right before leaving for college my parents split up. I left for college and just stopped caring.

Weight started adding on in college

The weight started catching up to me as quickly if not quicker, than I lost it before. I remember thinking, oh well, I'm a Weight Watchers Lifetime member, I'll get it off in no time. I never let myself eat french fries, pasta, pizza, dessert before - so when it was all available to me at free will in college, I indulged and indulged and indulged. I made up for every instance that I deprived myself in high school. I remember thinking - oh well, as long as I'm not as heavy I was before- I'll be good. Suddenly, I started seeing myself in pictures and I was instantly hit with a blast of reality. How much weight have I really put on? Again came the voices from others that maybe I should go back to Weight Watchers - maybe it was time that I got a hold of it. I'd make some fake attempts to 'cut calories' - park further away in the Walmart parking lot, but I knew that I wasn't going to really make it happen until it was my decision.

 My Junior Year of College- I was sitting at a intramural basketball game with my friend Tara when she told me about how she recently had bit the bullet and gone back to Weight Watchers. Tara also had struggled with weight her entire life and knew what it was like to be born without the 'Skinny Gene'. Listening to Tara tell me about her struggles and hear her take control of her weight, made me realize it was time for me to take control of my life too (Side Bar: Tara has now lost over 100 pounds - so inspiring!)

A few days later, I pulled into the Statesboro Weight Watchers - faced the music and hopped on the scale. My heart sank seeing the number in front of me, realizing I had in fact gained back nearly every single pound that I lost in high school. I got back on the wagon and the weight started coming off again. This time, I was on my own. I didn't have my mom to help me cook my meals & plan what I would eat - I had to do the work myself. I made commitments to spend a certain amount of time at the gym and the weight started coming off again - not as quickly as before - but it was still coming off. I was down about 45 lbs or so and with the stress of a college relationship in trouble and the overwhelming stress of my Senior Year- I put my weight loss on the back burner and gained back more than half of the 45 lbs I lost.

Me (and Zoey) Now

I fully committed myself again about a year and a half after I graduated college. I found a weight watchers meeting I loved and fully dedicated myself to getting healthy. It has been a struggle since then - the weight hasn't come off fast and I'm even exercising harder than I ever had in high school but because of this, I've learned so much. I am now 44 or so pounds down since rejoining after college (and about 60 lbs down from rejoining in college) but it has taken me double what it took me to lose those 86 pounds in high school. This time though, I decided to change my lifestyle and not ban or deprive myself of food. I let myself enjoy some sweet potato fries, I indulge in desserts often and I've picked a goal weight that is less focused on being "skinny" and more focused on being "healthy."  I was not given the gift of the Skinny Gene and maintaining my weight will forever be a part of my life. I just think what is most important is to know that no matter how big or small you are you are always going to hate something about yourself, but it's a matter of not letting it consume you and become an obsession.

Left (After gaining weight in college) Right (Today)

Depriving myself led to starvation, obsession and  brought me to the same place I was before. Strangely, I don't regret my journey at all. Sure, it's easy to say life would have been a lot easier if I didn't regain the weight that I had lost - but the lessons I have learned through going through it all again, are priceless. I realized that happiness with myself is based on a lot more than what the scale says - numbers are so different for everyone and there is not some magical number that equals happy. I never want to be the girl that is never happy with herself, constantly starring at areas I need to change and constantly seeking reassurance from others. I've realized that your body, your health, your life is your own and only changes when you have fully committed to it. Like I said before, I never understood why my weight seemed to bother other people, almost more than it bothered myself at times. The truth of the matter is, people lash out on others to mask their own insecurities. You may never look like who everyone else expects you to be. But, healthy comes in different shapes & sizes and healthy feels better than skinny ever will and that is something that I will be reminding myself of daily.