Running FreeLeigh: lifetime

Monday, May 5, 2014

I gained weight & I'm actually saying.. Thank you?

As I have shared in my previous posts, I have recently reached lifetime status again after a long struggle of yo-yoing with my weight. What I have come to realize and I think most people that have gone up and down, back and forth with their weight totally get what I am about to say.. keeping the weight off is HARD! I have managed to pretty much stayed the same since hitting lifetime - but I did go weigh in about 2 weeks ago and was shocked to see I put on a few pounds (3 to be exact). Yes, I know you are probably rolling your eyes thinking... 3 pounds seriously? But, it is scary- especially for someone who is about a month away from her wedding and even scarier to someone who has spent 90% of her life obsessing about food and weight. But even though it is "scary"... I am thankful for those 3 pounds.

I think it's nice to get the reminder that it can come back on and you have to learn how to adjust and snap back into the zone. Weight is not going to be something that you "lose" and never find again - trust me, you'll find it, FAST. It's scary how fast. It's easy to "get skinny" and then think, okay now I can eat like all my skinny friends. Trust me, if that was the truth - I would have never of been *fat*. I think small gains teach me that I cannot obsess over every single pound that I put on and gain. Yes, 10/20+ pounds is a big deal but the body fluctuates and it's not healthy to obsess and beat myself up over 1/2/3 pounds put on. I'm trying to teach myself that IF I am going to maintain, I need to learn how to LIVE the rest of my life like this.

I think most of you can probably agree that we spend too much time counting calories and comparing ourselves to other girls (or guys, for you men). We constantly think, if I could just be one pants size smaller, I would be happier. But the truth is, happy comes from within, our own confidence and 3 pounds is not going to strip you of that happiness. I have felt trapped in my body, even when I was a size 2 in high school. Feeling like I couldn't eat anything in fear that I would wake up 86 pounds heavier the next day. I remember feeling more miserable about myself then, than I was 86 pounds before that. I remember thinking, if I could just fit into Abercrombie & Fitch (this was high school..) like all my friends, I'll be happy. If I can be a size 2 and wear an XS shirt like my friends, then i'll be happy. But, like I said... I was miserable. I felt trapped and finally I hit my breaking point, gave up and gained about all of the weight back.

The 3 pounds has given me a wake up call - not just to say okay - it's time to start tracking my points again and to maybe not eat that cookie and ice cream and pizza and hamburger, but a wake up call to realize that "normal people" fluctuate. This has taught me, it's normal to gain and I have to learn that it's going to happen and I have to learn how to deal. I am starting to realize that if I don't beat myself up over a few pounds, but instead use it as a way to get back into the zone, then I am actually going to have a healthy relationship with food and a healthy self image.

I love food way to much to give up the good stuff for a life simply to never gain a single pound. And I love myself too much to let myself be trapped in my miserable skinny, starving body again. Sometimes you're going to gain - but what's important is going to be facing the music early and stepping on the scale even when you know it won't be good. Life is something to be enjoyed - spend it making smart decisions - but let yourself indulge and enjoy when you need to!

I am going to head to Weight Watchers this week, to face the music. Hopefully, I'll learn that I have lost some of the 3 pounds that I put on. However, if for some reason I haven't... then i'll just have to try again the next week. I am slowly fixing the way I think and I will continue to share my journey as I go along. I have gotten to the point where I am tired of beating myself up because I don't look like the girl in the magazine does in a bikini or I don't have *skinny legs* I am going to learn to love who I am and focus on being healthy and happy.

Me and some of my closest friends at a wedding shower for me last weekend!

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ALSO: While reading around this week, I found this INCREDIBLE blog post from Brooke who has recently lost 170+ pounds. Read her incredible story and how inspiring her happiness with herself truly is: http://brookenotonadiet.com/2014/05/02/refuse-put-shirt/

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Finally Back in the Lifetime Club

Well folks, It’s finally here! I have hit LIFETIME status on Weight Watchers again. It has been a long time coming and it feels AMAZING to finally be back here. I celebrated last night with My Big Fat Greek Wedding and CHINESE FOOD (Chicken Fried Rice to be exact)! I posted the great news on my Facebook last night and got a few texts/messages asking what I meant by saying I was at Lifetime again. So I guess I should clarify… Weight Watchers has you pick a goal weight that is in a healthy weight range for your height. When you are going through the program you are eligible for Lifetime Status once you are officially a “Lifetime Member.” Lifetime members are required to remain within two pounds of their goal weight. If you do this and weigh in once a month you remain a Lifetime Member and get to attend meetings for free and get to use their online/mobile e-tools for free. It’s an amazing program and is a great way to encourage their members that have had success to continue to have success.

My WW Key Chain - the bronze piece
that holds the different charms we get
at our 10% (losing 10% of body weight),
the hands clapping = 16 weeks in the
program, the circle shape is for when i hit
25 lbs lost, and the key is for lifetime.
You get a star for goal weight as well &
a few other charms.

I hit Lifetime Status when I was 15 years old and lost my 86 pounds. As I explained in my previous post I did not continue going to Weight Watchers meetings or doing the monthly weigh ins like I knew I should - and that is how I found myself where I was in college. I gained back almost every pound that I lost and now YEARS later I am finally back at Lifetime Status! Meaning, I am within two pounds of my goal weight! And let me just tell you, it feels better than it did the first time. It feels AMAZING - because it has been a rough, long and exhausting road - spanning over years of up and down and smaller pants and bigger pants. I have worked harder for every single pound that I have gotten off.. AGAIN than I did the first time and I am vowing to you now that I will do everything I can to stay healthy.

I've realized how important it is to stay accountable to yourself. Not just because you want to be "skinny" but because you want to be healthy. Healthy. That is the goal. I'm not giving up the foods I love, I'm not giving up my little cheats here and there. You've gotta make it a lifestyle that's what they mean by saying "Lifetime" I'll be living this *New* way for the rest of my life. I am never going to be someone that can eat whatever they want and doesn't gain a pound - so I can't expect to live that way either. Now, I'm not saying that I will never ever gain a single pound again - because that's CLEARLY a lie. But, I do think the way I view it will be different. My goal is to live life, enjoy life, enjoy food BUT to be mindful of my weight. If I feel I've gained a few pounds, I'll be proactive and catch it early instead of catching it 50, 60, 70, 80 lbs later - like I had to do this go around. My plan is continue to attend my Weight Watchers meetings weekly and weigh in at least once a month because I need the accountability and I need the fellowship and community that I get from my leaders and my meeting buddies.

Thank you so much to all my AMAZING Weight Watchers Leaders (In Falls Church, VA, in Statesboro, GA, in Buckhead (Atlanta) and in Dunwoody, GA). Thank you to my parents, my sister and my friends & my fiance who have been my greatest cheerleaders - and have listened to me cry and cry and cry every time I was stuck in a plateau and just wanted to give up!