I gained weight & I'm actually saying.. Thank you?

As I have shared in my previous posts, I have recently reached lifetime status again after a long struggle of yo-yoing with my weight. What I have come to realize and I think most people that have gone up and down, back and forth with their weight totally get what I am about to say.. keeping the weight off is HARD! I have managed to pretty much stayed the same since hitting lifetime - but I did go weigh in about 2 weeks ago and was shocked to see I put on a few pounds (3 to be exact). Yes, I know you are probably rolling your eyes thinking... 3 pounds seriously? But, it is scary- especially for someone who is about a month away from her wedding and even scarier to someone who has spent 90% of her life obsessing about food and weight. But even though it is "scary"... I am thankful for those 3 pounds.

I think it's nice to get the reminder that it can come back on and you have to learn how to adjust and snap back into the zone. Weight is not going to be something that you "lose" and never find again - trust me, you'll find it, FAST. It's scary how fast. It's easy to "get skinny" and then think, okay now I can eat like all my skinny friends. Trust me, if that was the truth - I would have never of been *fat*. I think small gains teach me that I cannot obsess over every single pound that I put on and gain. Yes, 10/20+ pounds is a big deal but the body fluctuates and it's not healthy to obsess and beat myself up over 1/2/3 pounds put on. I'm trying to teach myself that IF I am going to maintain, I need to learn how to LIVE the rest of my life like this. 

I think most of you can probably agree that we spend too much time counting calories and comparing ourselves to other girls (or guys, for you men). We constantly think, if I could just be one pants size smaller, I would be happier. But the truth is, happy comes from within, our own confidence and 3 pounds is not going to strip you of that happiness. I have felt trapped in my body, even when I was a size 2 in high school. Feeling like I couldn't eat anything in fear that I would wake up 86 pounds heavier the next day. I remember feeling more miserable about myself then, than I was 86 pounds before that. I remember thinking, if I could just fit into Abercrombie & Fitch (this was high school..) like all my friends, I'll be happy. If I can be a size 2 and wear an XS shirt like my friends, then i'll be happy. But, like I said... I was miserable. I felt trapped and finally I hit my breaking point, gave up and gained about all of the weight back. 

 The 3 pounds has given me a wake up call - not just to say okay - it's time to start tracking my points again and to maybe not eat that cookie and ice cream and pizza and hamburger, but a wake up call to realize that "normal people" fluctuate. This has taught me, it's normal to gain and I have to learn that it's going to happen and I have to learn how to deal. I am starting to realize that if I don't beat myself up over a few pounds, but instead use it as a way to get back into the zone, then I am actually going to have a healthy relationship with food and a healthy self image. 

I love food way to much to give up the good stuff for a life simply to never gain a single pound. And I love myself too much to let myself be trapped in my miserable skinny, starving body again. Sometimes you're going to gain - but what's important is going to be facing the music early and stepping on the scale even when you know it won't be good. Life is something to be enjoyed - spend it making smart decisions - but let yourself indulge and enjoy when you need to! 

I am going to head to Weight Watchers this week, to face the music. Hopefully, I'll learn that I have lost some of the 3 pounds that I put on. However, if for some reason I haven't... then i'll just have to try again the next week. I am slowly fixing the way I think and I will continue to share my journey as I go along. I have gotten to the point where I am tired of beating myself up because I don't look like the girl in the magazine does in a bikini or I don't have *skinny legs* I am going to learn to love who I am and focus on being healthy and happy.

Me and some of my closest friends at a wedding shower for me last weekend! 

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ALSO: While reading around this week, I found this INCREDIBLE blog post from Brooke who has recently lost 170+ pounds. Read her incredible story and how inspiring her happiness with herself truly is: http://brookenotonadiet.com/2014/05/02/refuse-put-shirt/

Finally Back in the Lifetime Club

Well folks, It’s finally here! I have hit LIFETIME status on Weight Watchers again. It has been a long time coming and it feels AMAZING to finally be back here. I celebrated last night with My Big Fat Greek Wedding and CHINESE FOOD (Chicken Fried Rice to be exact)! I posted the great news on my Facebook last night and got a few texts/messages asking what I meant by saying I was at Lifetime again. So I guess I should clarify… Weight Watchers has you pick a goal weight that is in a healthy weight range for your height. When you are going through the program you are eligible for Lifetime Status once you are officially a “Lifetime Member.” Lifetime members are required to remain within two pounds of their goal weight. If you do this and weigh in once a month you remain a Lifetime Member and get to attend meetings for free and get to use their online/mobile e-tools for free. It’s an amazing program and is a great way to encourage their members that have had success to continue to have success.

My WW Key Chain - the bronze piece
that holds the different charms we get
at our 10% (losing 10% of body weight),
the hands clapping = 16 weeks in the
program, the circle shape is for when i hit
25 lbs lost, and the key is for lifetime.
You get a star for goal weight as well &
a few other charms. 

I hit Lifetime Status when I was 15 years old and lost my 86 pounds. As I explained in my previous post I did not continue going to Weight Watchers meetings or doing the monthly weigh ins like I knew I should - and that is how I found myself where I was in college. I gained back almost every pound that I lost and now YEARS later I am finally back at Lifetime Status! Meaning, I am within two pounds of my goal weight! And let me just tell you, it feels better than it did the first time. It feels AMAZING - because it has been a rough, long and exhausting road - spanning over years of up and down and smaller pants and bigger pants. I have worked harder for every single pound that I have gotten off.. AGAIN than I did the first time and I am vowing to you now that I will do everything I can to stay healthy. 

I've realized how important it is to stay accountable to yourself. Not just because you want to be "skinny" but because you want to be healthy. Healthy. That is the goal. I'm not giving up the foods I love, I'm not giving up my little cheats here and there. You've gotta make it a lifestyle that's what they mean by saying  "Lifetime" I'll be living this *New* way for the rest of my life. I am never going to be someone that can eat whatever they want and doesn't gain a pound - so I can't expect to live that way either. Now, I'm not saying that I will never ever gain a single pound again - because that's CLEARLY a lie. But, I do think the way I view it will be different. My goal is to live life, enjoy life, enjoy food BUT to be mindful of my weight. If I feel I've gained a few pounds, I'll be proactive and catch it early instead of catching it 50, 60, 70, 80 lbs later - like I had to do this go around. My plan is continue to attend my Weight Watchers meetings weekly and weigh in at least once a month because I need the accountability and I need the fellowship and community that I get from my leaders and my meeting buddies. 

Thank you so much to all my AMAZING Weight Watchers Leaders (In Falls Church, VA, in Statesboro, GA, in Buckhead (Atlanta) and in Dunwoody, GA). Thank you to my parents, my sister and my friends & my fiance who have been my greatest cheerleaders - and have listened to me cry and cry and cry every time I was stuck in a plateau and just wanted to give up! 

April 2008

Me with my Mom & Sister (November 2010)

At Ashley-Rose's Wedding (also a Lifetime Member) with Laura & Kaitlyn. (Summer 2012)

The Vampire Diaries Tour with Hailey & Melinda (September 2012)

Christmas 2012

At Laura's wedding with Melinda (March 2013)

With my fabulous Fiance at my Best Friend's Wedding (June 2013)

Now both Lifetime Members with Ashley-Rose at my engagement dinner (June 2013)

In Chicago with Laura & Melinda (September 2013)

Shhh.. It's okay to cheat a little

Yes, I am fully endorsing having an affair. But, this type of infidelity is actually in reference to committing an adulteress act on your DIET.  As I mentioned in my previous post the main reason I think that I struggled to maintained my weight loss success was because I didn't allow myself, EVER... to cheat!

I was asked by my AMAZING Weight Watchers Leader, Barbara (who lost and has kept off close to 150 lbs - wow!) to share my 'Success Story' at a Weight Watchers meeting tonight. So, I shared my story - very similar to all that I said in my previous post and I largely harped on how key it is to ENJOY!

I let myself indulge in things I'd never let myself indulge in when I was losing weight on Weight Watchers, the first time - but you know what I am enjoying myself and I am now starting to see this whole experience as manageable and as a lifestyle change, not just a "diet". I think when you deprive yourself you feel cheated, you feel trapped, locked in and miserable.

Now, I'm not sitting here saying that I cheat on Weight Watchers every day - but I do let myself enjoy Ice Cream, Chipotle (i had that tonight), Chinese food, Candy - you get where I am going with this. It's all about balance and it's all about porition control.

While sharing my story tonight, Barbara turned the floor over to the members in the Weight Watchers meeting and asked if anyone had any questions. One women raised her hand and asked what my "cheat items" are... That got me thinking - what are my secrets? What are my little indulgences that I enjoy on Weight Watchers, while still losing my weight. I've put together a short list of some cheat items that actually aren't "so bad" and I would LOVE to hear some of yours - as I am always looking to expand my cheating bucket list!

Cookies 'n Cream Flavor = My FAVE.

1. Skinny Cow Ice Cream- Everyone knows my OBSESSION with Skinny Cow and even more Ice Cream (I am eating one right now while write this). As someone who is Lactose Intolerant - I SAVE up my dairy allowance and I pre-track my 4 points plus skinny cow into my day, every day so I have that delicious ice cream treat to look forward to, everyday. The other great thing about it is that in terms of dessert - this one is pretty diet-friendly and it's delicious to boot! I challenge you to find your "something sweet" - your dessert that you can indulge in and enjoy - finding this (as long as its realistic) will help you to manage your weight better. Don't deprive yourself of sweets - DO NOT DO IT


2. Sweet Potato Fries - Ummmm.. Hello, I love food and all proud food lovers usually love fries! I especially love Sweet Potato Fries. I found Alexia Sweet Potato fries (you can usually find them in the organic frozen section) or if you aren't into the Organic craze go to the regular frozen section and get the Ore-Ida Sweet Potato Fries Straight fries. You can have ~25 of these fries for 4 weight watchers points plus (that's what WW points are called now.. Points Plus, FAAANCY). At only 4 PPV it is so worth getting my fry intake in with these yummy fries.

3. Pop Chips- Now this list is getting ridiculous... Ice Cream, French Fries and now ..  Chips? Yes. But Pop Chips are so worth it. They are amazingly tasty and you can have around 22 chips for only 3 PPV. Done. I'm in. Now, if you are like me - a mindless eater I would suggest counting out your chips and putting them into zip lock bags and walking AWAYYY from the kitchen or you can buy the pre-portioned bags. I understand that sometimes it's cheaper to buy the big bags - but for me a little extra cash is worth me not stuffing an entire bag of chips down my face in one sitting, just sayin'

4. PB2- Thank you to my WW Leader Barbara for this AMAZING suggestion. PB2 is probably one of my favorite finds and is an awesome way to enjoy PEANUT BUTTER! PB2 is powdered Peanut Butter (you mix it with water) - I know is sounds disgusting but I promise you it actually is not. And at only 1 PPV for ~2 Tablespoons of Peanut Butter it is well worth it (normal Peanut Butter is like 4-7 sometimes 8 ppv!). My favorite of the PB2 is actually the Chocolate flavor - I put it on toast or dip apples in it - AMAZING. You can also find this in the organic section or I get mine off of Amazon!

5. Bolthouse Ranch: Well, I do live in the South. They serve ranch here like it is going out of style. But if you didn't already know Ranch is no where close to healthy eating. Bolthouse Ranch is yogurt based and AMAZING! You get this in the refrigerated section - by the bags of lettuce. It's I believe 1 PPV for 2 tablespoons (double check that for me before tracking it as that!) and it actually tastes so good (unlike most fat free or light ranch dressings)

6. Turkey Sausage Crumbles: These are a newer discovery and I have become obsessed, VERY fast! I eat them seriously at breakfast, lunch and/or dinner. I promise I don't eat them every day but I sure could. They are quick - you can mix it with anything - egg whites, pasta sauce, you get where I'm going here and for a 1/2 cup of crumbles it's only 2 ppv!

I understand that all of these were lower point cheats - but trust me I let myself enjoy Chicken Fried Rice - usually once or every other week - I just am certain to measure out a cup (7PPV) (and I usually smoosh and fit a much rice in that one cup as I can), I will enjoy a Burger and fries from Farm Burger with my girlfriends usually once a week and I still manage to lose weight for the most part, weekly. I've discovered that weight loss and maintaining a healthy weight is manageable and do-able. It's all about picking what and where you will "cheat" and "splurge" and deciding is this worth it? Let yourself live a little - let yourself enjoy and you will feel happy and satisfied.

If you have any "healthy cheats" or non-healthy cheats share them with me! I am open for new cheats and I can probably help you find a substitution for a cheat-item that isn't as Weight Watcher friendly.

Good Luck and remember.. It's okay to cheat a little.